The Wearable Dog Toilet

I had to go in for surgery today and now Im laid up in bed, seriously considering buying this for myself:

Stuff White People Like

I just came across this website gem, Stuff White People Like, which I highly recommend checking out. Some of the posts are hillarious. Like this one, for instance, on San Francisco:

White people like to vacation in San Francisco because it has beautiful architecture, fantastic food, and it is near the water. They like to live in San Francisco because of its abundance of Non Profit Organizations, Expensive Sandwiches, Wine, political outlook, and most importantly its diversity.

Since many white people either live in, plan to move to, or closely identify with San Francisco it is imperative that you know how best to deal with them.

The City of San Francisco has a very multicultural population that ranges from white to gay to Asian. Within white culture this known as “ideal diversity” for its provision of exotic restaurants while simultaneously preserving property values. The presence of gays and Asians is imperative as it two provides two of the key resources most necessary for white success and happiness. However, it is important to be aware of the fact that regions outside of San Francisco feature many people who are not white, gay or Asian. They are greatly appreciated during the census, but white people are generally very happy that they stay in places like Oakland and Richmond. This enables white people to feel good about living near people of diverse backgrounds without having to directly deal with troublesome issues like income gaps or schooling.

When A Maaan Loves a . . .Table

Trouble ensues:

BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Link.

Garfield Minus Garfield

Simply fantastic.



Link.

Reason #234,568 Why I Love Canadians

Wish I had called them for my mom's wedding...

Stoned Ape Theory

So it turns out the long search for the answer as to how, exactly, human consciousness emerged was right under our noses all along...

Link.

To summarize: McKenna theorizes that as the North African jungles receded toward the end of the most recent ice age, giving way to grasslands, a branch of our tree-dwelling primate ancestors left the branches and took up a life out in the open -- following around herds of ungulates, nibbling what they could along the way.

Among the new items in their diet were psilocybin-containing mushrooms growing in the dung of these ungulate herds. The changes caused by the introduction of this drug to the primate diet were many -- McKenna theorizes, for instance, that synesthesia (the blurring of boundaries between the senses) caused by psilocybin led to the development of spoken language: the ability to form pictures in another person's mind through the use of vocal sounds.

About 12,000 years ago, further climate changes removed the mushroom from the human diet, resulting in a new set of profound changes in our species as we reverted to pre-mushroomed and frankly brutal primate social structures that had been modified and/or repressed by frequent consumption of psilocybin.

Streaker + Horse Race =

Reason number 6,789,874 why I am proud to be a member of the male sex:

Link (be sure to watch the vid):

A man celebrating his buck's day with 26 of his mates thought it would be funny to strip off and be first past the post at the Moruya racetrack.

Problem was a race involving real horses was tearing down the home straight when the streaker made his mad dash.

Japanese Television Rocks!

If you disagree, click here and prepare to be persuaded.

It's about time...

The crowning achievements of mankind have always stemmed from his unique ability to satisfy or meet the unsatisfactory problems of his environment through innovation and ingenuity. And this particular invention certainly exemplifies this remarkable, evolutionarily inherited, talent:

"Being able to identify a public toilet seat that has just been sat upon (and is thus still warm) is of particular concern to a significant number of the population. Without warning, one can easily sit upon a seat and be instantly repulsed by the trace evidence of a previous user. Conversely, if one is looking for intimate contact with an anonymous stranger without the associated awkwardness of verbal discourse, one could seek out the warm toilet seat. The decision to sit or not to sit is facilitated by the colour change of the seat: orange=cool, yellow=hot. The object retains the heat memory of a previous user and displays it as a visual marker for the next user to assess."

Link

Clear Sign that the Apocalypse is Approaching...

I don't remember much from my readings of Revelation, but I'm sure that this was one of the things mentioned as a sign of the coming final apocalypse.

Paul Anka singing "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

Till Death Do Us Part

I had a good laugh over this photo today


I never knew mice had a kinky side...Anyways if you can think of a funny caption for this photo, make sure you post it in the comments section below. = )

Giant Spider Attacks Nasa Space Shuttle

Recent and utterly shocking footage released today from a NASA feed television camera revealed a failed plot by an enormous black spider to dismantle and disrupt NASA's Space Shuttle Atlantis' scheduled flight. The giant spider, after numerous failed attempts to breach the shuttle's exoskeleton, soon abandoned its malicious attacks and made a quick getaway on, presumably, a hidden strand of webbing. US intelligence is still investigating the matter and the whereabouts of the perpetrator is still, as of yet, unknown.

President Bush, however, made it clear to the American public (once again) that "we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun, that could come in the form of a sticky web." Thus the President has declared an all out war against arachno-fascism and has deployed all of our military resources to all of the states around the world who harbor and are the victims of these 'evil-spinners'. May God be with US.

How To Goodbye Depression

Blogger over at mindhacks came across this fantastic book by Hiroyuki Nishigaki, the full title: How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

The reviews on amazon inspired quite a few laughs:

By	Brian Williamson "euglena" (Seattle, WA USA)

I've only had this book for a day or so, and I haven't even thought about reading it from start to finish, but it is pretty gosh darn funny. At the end of the book, the author (Niroyuki Nishigaki) thanks everyone for "finishing reading what I have written in bad English." Bad English indeed! I'll share one of my favorite lines with you and if you think it's funny, I suggest you purchase this book.

"Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus."

That line doesn't make any sense, but it's pretty great. Sometimes I like to open the book up to random pages and read passages for a good laugh. Enjoy!

By A Customer

This book is better than lithium. I was depressed for years until I came across Mr. Nishigaki and his incredible anus book. I was skeptical at first, but after only a week of the recommended anus exercises, I could feel my spirits lifting, my buns firming and my blank-shooting ability reaching new heights. It's now been three months since I began the program, and I feel as if I've finally mastered my emotions. Nope, no more crying jags at the liquor store...for me. Instead, whenever I get down or feel as though I might need to abuse myself, I simply stop, concentrate on crushing the imaginary walnut in my anus and-BLAMMO!-all depressing and/or criminal thoughts are gone in a single squeaky fart. Of course, the resultant hemorrhoidal burning and itching can suck a bit, but I just think of it as the price one has to pay for rectal sanity.

And a response from the author:

By	joeytonz (Sam's Town)

At first I thank you for the wonderful joy feeling readers of my book of books give me. I know you read book and like it, and this makes me warm. I am a author of this book. I make excuses for my bad English. It is not my language for first. Moreover, I see that the people laugh in this book. Is not a book of joke. This book is handsome and full of the good words, but see that people say book has attached laughs? It is a book which indicates in the reader for the anal constriction and how it profits those which tighten. The book that they fill of good advices, and I hope that the people it will employ for their improvement in the life. Moreover, I request you read of my other book. It is for the space voyage, or something. You that we thank

Silly Walks

I think I'm going to walk around like this today.



One thing that's cool about big cities is that strangers are incredibly indifferent to one another, so I'm pretty sure I could get away with this without any strange looks. If you read this post today you too should join me in silly walking. We'll start a revolution!

Recent Study Finds Obesity Linked To Headlessness

Posting breadth will be relatively light this week, since I have a few school-related projects that I need to focus on, but I will certainly continue to post the more short and sweet posts, such as this shocking new study (which is accompanied by numerous photos of evidence)...


(reminded me of the ice-cream-sales:murder-rate-increase causal link, which overlooks summertime weather being a factor)

Enjoy!